Celeb efforts aside, Haiti is a problem money can't fix

BY NEIL STEINBERG Sun-Times Columnist

It's easy to smirk at the stars who presented Hope for Haiti on Friday night -- really, what do Madonna or Leonardo DiCaprio know about suffering? They saw a chance for a big prime-time show and took it.

That's too cynical, even for me. Stars are people too, most of them, and a million dollars is a lot of money, even to George Clooney. Not everybody gets involved -- Michael Jordan sure didn't show up waving his $1 million check, did he?

It might be better if, rather than siccing the dogs of condemnation on well-intentioned-if-pampered stars, we let our inner critics lick our own hands for a while.

Because as heartening as it is to see America react with such generosity -- the nation has contributed at least $300 million so far -- at some point, we also have to realize that Haiti is not a money problem but a systemic problem, a nation ruled by a kleptocratic class that thwarts the entire concept of a responsible government seeing to the needs of its citizenry.

At some point, it will dawn on us that the earthquake has taken its toll, and the more money we raise, the more will be wasted or stolen. This isn't an argument against giving -- I gave, the stars gave, you should give, too -- but a caution against the very American notion that there is no problem that a generous application of cash and sincerity cannot fix. Haiti, once the immediate post-earthquake needs are met, ultimately is a problem that only Haitians can solve or, as has been the case for more than 200 years, not solve.

Valparaiso boy does good

Longtime readers might recall Michael Essany, who last appeared here nearly a decade ago, in the fall of 2000.

He certainly was a memorable young man -- a 17-year-old, home-schooled Valparaiso lad producing and starring in "The Michael Essany Show," a local-access cable talk show, an homage to Johnny Carson, down to the glittery curtain, produced out of the living and dining rooms of his parents' suburban home.

Michael was a driven teen, noteworthy not only for his unshakable certainty that he would end up a talk show host, but his uncanny ability to coax stars such as Ray Romano and Gary Sinise onto his homemade program. If I hadn't been standing there when comic Jeff Foxworthy arrived for a visit, I might not have believed it. But I was there, and so was he.

How did the kid do it? Persistence, unfailing, almost preternatural politeness, charm and a certain captivating weirdness: the teen who would be Johnny.

To be honest, my hunch was that Essany's life would not be a steady march to the late-night throne, and if you've been following the hissing and clawing amongst Jay Leno, Conan O'Brien and David Letterman, I do not have to point out to you that Essany is not among them. Not yet anyway.

But I suspected he would not disappear either, so I was not surprised to hear from him last week and discover that his enthusiasm has not ebbed in a decade.

"It's so great to hear your voice," he said, bringing me up to date.

"After your story ran in the Sun-Times, things progressed, and my little public-access talk show kept chugging along. We did two seasons on the E! Channel, and it's syndicated overseas -- it's still running who knows where."

Essany graduated from Valparaiso University and got married. His wife, Christa, is expecting a daughter any minute now.

The reason he was calling me, he said, was "this exciting new venture" -- an online effort called iFolloTV, "the only online community that uses real fan-generated stories about celebrities."

Is that precisely true? Isn't there Gawker Stalker and a raft of ooh-I-saw-a-famous-person Web sites?

"We've been branded the anti-TMZ," he said, referring to a site that dishes celebrity dirt.

"IFollo removes the paparazzi tabloid element and instead elevates the citizen journalist to another level. Fans will stick up for their favorite celebrities. It will be tremendous to show another side of well-known people."

I'm sure it will be -- Essany is sort of a master of ceremonies for the celebrity sightings sent in by regular folk. The thing just launched, and I would give my opinion, but I seem to recall believing that cell phones were a passing fad, so I'm not exactly the best judge. If you like this kind of thing, you might like iFolloTV.

Still, it isn't quite "The Tonight Show," and I wondered if Essany might not be disappointed -- not to single him out, since I believe that much of being an adult is the process of accepting the handful of sod you end up with after reaching for your dreams.

"'The Tonight Show' isn't what 'The Tonight Show' was then, either," he said. "What's important -- and this is tough for me because I'm very old school in sense of broadcasting -- is there are new platforms and new mediums waiting to be conquered. This has the potential, and if this could lead to something, in the digital world or mainstream, I'm open to what's out there."

So "The Tonight Show" dream remains?

"That never would go away," he said. "I'm like a rabid bulldog."

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